When you’re writing an email, filling out a form, or drafting a professional letter, you’ve probably paused at this tricky grammar puzzle: should you write “who to contact” or “whom to contact”? It’s a small choice, but it can make a big difference in how polished and professional your message sounds.
The truth is, both forms appear everywhere—in casual conversations, business correspondence, academic papers, and even legal documents. Yet one is technically correct, while the other is widely accepted in everyday communication. This guide breaks down the rules, the exceptions, and the real-world usage trends so you’ll always know which one fits your situation best.
By the end, you’ll understand the difference between “who” and “whom”, learn simple tricks to test correctness, see how modern English has shifted, and discover when it’s smart to prioritize clarity over strict grammar.
The Classic Grammar Dilemma: Who vs Whom
English learners, writers, and even native speakers often stumble on one of grammar’s trickiest conundrums: should you write “Who to contact” or “Whom to contact”? On the surface, it looks like a minor detail. But behind it lies centuries of grammar rules, shifting trends in modern English, and real-life communication choices that affect clarity, tone, and professionalism.
At its core, the debate is about grammatical roles: “who” is a subject pronoun, while “whom” is an object pronoun. Yet, because language evolves, both forms are now widely accepted in casual contexts.
Why This Question Still Matters in Modern English
Some might argue that the difference no longer matters. After all, many native speakers rarely use “whom” in everyday conversation. But in formal writing—like academic papers, legal documents, or professional emails—choosing the right word can still signal education, attention to detail, and professionalism.
It’s not just about grammar; it’s about audience expectations, tone, and the formality of the context.
Subject vs Object: The Key to Understanding
Here’s the golden rule:
- Who = subject of a verb (the one performing the action).
- Whom = object of a verb or preposition (the one receiving the action).
Examples:
- Who is calling? → “Who” is the subject.
- Whom should I contact? → “Whom” is the object of the verb “contact.”
This distinction is technically correct, though modern usage often blurs it.
The He/She vs Him/Her Test Explained
A simple trick to check correctness is the he/him test (or she/her).
- If you can replace the pronoun with he/she, use who.
- If you can replace it with him/her, use whom.
Example:
- Whom should I call? → I should call him → Correct.
- Who is coming to the party? → He is coming → Correct.
This test works almost every time and helps learners avoid confusion.
Everyday Conversations: What Native Speakers Actually Say
In casual speech, most people default to “who,” even when “whom” is technically correct.
- Who are you talking to? (instead of “Whom are you talking to?”)
- Who should I contact about this issue?
This shift reflects a trend toward simplicity in modern English.
Formal Writing: Where “Whom” Still Survives
Despite its decline, “whom” hasn’t disappeared. It’s still common in:
- Academic papers
- Business correspondence
- Legal documents
- Official announcements
Writers use it to maintain formality and avoid sounding casual or sloppy.
Business Correspondence and Professional Emails
Tone matters in professional settings. Compare these examples:
| Context | Preferred Form | Example |
| Business Email | Whom | Please let me know whom to contact for further details. |
| Casual Team Message | Who | Do you know who to contact about this project? |
Using “whom” in business or executive contexts adds polish and shows respect for professional standards.
Academic Papers and Research Writing
In academic writing, precision is non-negotiable. Professors and researchers often expect students to maintain traditional grammar rules.
Example:
- The candidate, whom the committee interviewed, was highly qualified.
Using “who” instead could come across as sloppy in formal papers.
Legal and Official Documents: High Formality Contexts
Legal documents are rigid. Here, “whom” is still the default choice because of tradition, precision, and formality.
- The notice should be addressed to the party whom the letter concerns.
Informal Speech: Casual Tone and Digital Chats
In contrast, on Twitter, Facebook, Slack, or text messages, people overwhelmingly use “who.”
Examples:
- Do you know who to call if the system crashes?
- *Guess *who we’re meeting tomorrow?
Social media favors brevity and clarity over strict correctness.
Modern English Trends: The Decline of “Whom”
Linguists like Steven Pinker have noted that “whom” is slowly disappearing. Google Ngram Viewer shows a steady decline from the 1960s to today. The simplification trend in language reflects modern communication: fast, digital, and casual.
Traditional Grammar Rules and Prescriptive Teaching
Historically, English followed a case system like Latin and German. That’s why “whom” existed in the first place—to mark the object case. But as English grammar simplified, many of these distinctions blurred.
Still, prescriptive rules taught in schools keep “whom” alive, at least in theory.
The Role of Prepositions in Deciding Who or Whom
When a pronoun follows a preposition, “whom” is technically required.
- To whom should I address this letter?
- With whom did you attend the conference?
However, many people rephrase these sentences:
- Who should I address this letter to?
Sentence Structure and Grammatical Roles
The syntactic position of a pronoun—subject or object—determines correctness. “Who” performs the action, “whom” receives it.
Diagramming sentences can make this clearer, but for everyday writing, the he/him test usually suffices.
Common Mistakes and How to Avoid Them
- Using “whom” as a subject: Whom is coming to the meeting? ❌
- Overusing “whom” to sound formal: Whom shall I say is calling? (feels pretentious).
- Avoiding both and rephrasing: Who should I talk to? (safe choice).
Style Guides and What They Recommend (AP, Chicago, MLA)
Different style guides give slightly different advice:
| Style Guide | Recommendation | Example |
| AP Stylebook | Use “whom” sparingly; avoid if awkward. | The person to whom the letter was addressed. |
| Chicago Manual of Style | Follow traditional grammar rules. | Whom do you trust? |
| MLA Handbook | Prefer correctness in academic contexts. | Whom the professor selected was surprising. |
Synonym and Rephrase Options to Avoid Awkwardness
If you’re uncertain, rephrase. Instead of worrying about who/whom, you can write:
- Contact the manager directly.
- The person you should speak with is John.
This avoids awkwardness and keeps your tone natural.
Google Ngram Viewer Insights: Usage Across Decades
Data shows:
| Year | “Who to contact” | “Whom to contact” |
| 1960 | 20% | 80% |
| 1980 | 30% | 70% |
| 2000 | 50% | 50% |
| 2019 | 60% | 40% |
Clearly, “who” has gained dominance in modern English.
Native English Speakers vs Learners: Different Struggles
- Native speakers often default to “who,” even in formal settings.
- Learners of English struggle because grammar books emphasize “whom.”
This creates confusion, especially when learners try to sound natural but end up sounding overly formal.
Technology and Its Impact: Grammarly, Autocorrect, Voice-to-Text
Modern tools like Grammarly, Microsoft Word grammar checkers, and voice-to-text apps often suggest simpler, conversational forms. Some even flag “whom” as awkward.
This accelerates the decline of “whom” in everyday writing.
Who/Whom in Business vs Casual Emails (Table)
| Context | Formal Tone | Informal Tone | Example |
| Business Email | Whom | Who | Please tell me whom to contact about this file. |
| Casual Team Chat | — | Who | Do you know who I should ping on Slack? |
| Executive Letter | Whom | — | Address this to the candidate whom we interviewed. |
| Friendly Email | — | Who | Can you remind me who to talk to about scheduling? |
Sentence Examples Across Contexts (Table)
| Context | Sentence | Correctness |
| Academic Paper | The researcher, whom the committee interviewed, was qualified. | Formal, correct |
| Legal Document | The party to whom the letter was addressed… | Required |
| Casual Email | Do you know who to call about this? | Accepted |
| Text Message | Guess who I saw yesterday? | Natural |
A Step-by-Step Flowchart: Choosing the Correct Form
- Does the pronoun perform the action? → Use who.
- Does the pronoun receive the action or follow a preposition? → Use whom.
- Still unsure? → Apply the he/him test.
- If awkward, rephrase the sentence.
The Future of Whom: Dying or Adapting?
“Whom” is not dead, but it’s falling out of favor. It survives mainly in formal registers and fixed expressions (“To whom it may concern”).
Modern English is trending toward simplicity and flexibility.
Final Recommendations for Learners and Professionals
- In formal writing: Use “whom” when it’s technically correct.
- In everyday conversation: “Who” is fine and widely accepted.
- In professional emails: Aim for clarity; “whom” adds polish, but “who” won’t confuse readers.
- When in doubt: Apply the he/him test or rephrase.
Clarity and audience expectations matter more than strict correctness.
FAQs
Is it grammatically correct to say “Who to contact”?
Technically no, but in everyday English, it’s widely accepted and understood.
When should I use “Whom to contact”?
Use it in formal writing, business letters, and legal documents where correctness matters.
What’s the easiest way to test between who and whom?
Use the he/him test: if you’d use “him,” then “whom” is correct.
Why does “whom” sound pretentious sometimes?
Because in casual speech, most people use “who.” Overusing “whom” can feel stiff or old-fashioned.
Will “whom” eventually disappear from English?
Probably not completely, but its use will keep shrinking, limited mostly to formal writing and fixed phrases.
Conclusion
The choice between “who to contact” and “whom to contact” is more than a grammar puzzle—it’s about context, tone, and clarity. While “whom” remains the technically correct choice in formal writing, “who” dominates casual speech and even professional communication in many settings.
The best approach is flexible: know the rules, recognize the trends, and choose based on your audience and purpose.
